Don't mess with me

I will fire when I am GOD DAMN good and ready.

Make your vote count

This guy must have been trained by the IRA. Yes, by that I mean Irish Republican Army.

Step 1 - walk up to polling booth with package
Step 2 - guards see package
Step 3 - run away
Step 4 - blow up

"Comrade, he saved me a bullet."

What do I have in common with the 24th division of the USAF?

I'll tell ya.

Yesterday I visited an Air Force base. No I won't say which one. But it was COOOOOOOOL. However, after the morning's meetings (started at 7:15!! ugh!), we ran to get a quick lunch. I was tired and hungry and did not want to have a deli sandwich made...blame my college years, I get so BORED just saying "ok, cheese, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, tomatoes, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, lettuce, uhhhhh," and watching hands grabbing meat. If I wanna see that, I'll watch Tough Enough 2. ANYWAY, so I grabbed two ready-made Jimmy Dean sandwiches...."French Toast and Sausage" and "Ham Egg and Cheese Muffin." 2 bucks each, and no tax, coz it's a base. Ooh and the coldest Diet Vanilla Coke ever. It ruled. So, I sat down and ripped thru the french toast one...mmmm!!! then I opened the Ham one. Looked...hmm...this ham is funky...looks kinda grey. But I always rememebred that elephants are grey so thas fine. So I took a bite...did not really taste anything. So the SMART BOY in me decided to go to the cashier and say "hello, I got this sandwich...is the meat supposed to be this color?" FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY TRICHONOSIS, the cashier grabs the sandwich, says "NO!" and gives me my $$$ back. I was worried, but honestly I feel fine.

So, what do ihave in common with the 24th division of the USAF? Answer: This morning, we've probably visited the can the same number of times.

audience participation!

How many times have YOU walked into a place of business, near closing time (whether you knew or not) only to have a 200-300lb troll yell "Can somebody PUL-eeze Lock the doors?!"? Yes, it could be a variant of that. Happened to me twice. Once at S**ttybank and once at The Olive Garden in Dayton, Ohio. However, at the Olive Garden, the waitress was super nice so that was cool. And yeah, that Bruschetta was a good idea. I recommend Dayton to anyone who likes airplanes. And chain restaurants. And Hooters where the girls are working to raise $$$ for their Brownie uniforms.

Man what a boring post. I'd better take steps.

Link of the day. www.timpas.com. This guy is friggin unbelievable. His movies take a while to download, but most of em are worth it.

Hmmm....Bubble Tea...wouldn't a cup of nice bubble tea taste nice right about now?

Nothin funny here

http://www.vgmusic.com/music/console/sega/genesis/

This site just rules. They have MIDI music from a bunch of people, from like any video game you wanna hear. I listen to their stuff a lot. Thassit.

Travelocity has great deals for you!

Hang-glide into Russia and kill everything in sight.

This stage use the controller!

Smack em with sticks!

Dissent among the Chinese athletes

Hey! The Shen is stealin our Powerbars!!

I think it's too lenient

http://www.cnn.com/2004/TECH/internet/08/12/internet.attack.ap/index.html

ooooo he can't go out on dates or to parties. HE WASN'T GOING TO ANYWAY. Wanna punish him, take away his Transformers.

Bit of advice #2

If, after your workout you are drinking V8 and a protein shake (one after the other) please be careful. Why?

If you just wanna get thru this quick mealette and get back to watching ALIENS (yeah!) well, just take a moment. Coz this is what happens. You drink the V8 really fast and then mix up yer protein shake in another cup. So, by the time you are about to guzzle yer protein shake you are just about ready to burp V8. If yer like me, you think "what's the worst that could happen?" and you burp and drink yer protein shake right away. WELL YOUR PROTEIN SHAKE IS NOT CHOCOLATEY GOODNESS IT TASTES LIKE WHAT YOU SMELL, WHICH IS V8 BURPS.

So take a minute! Remember, life moves pretty fast, but once in a while we must take time to stop and NOT smell the V8 burps.

#of us who should NOT slap the shen = empty set

Bit of advice #1

Don't trust this guy. He SAYS he is going there to destroy them, but he has a hidden agenda. There is a substantial dollar value....TREACHERY!!

"Yeah, you'll get yours, bitch." - Fred watching Payback

why life sucks sometimes...

...if yer glasses are loose.

Go and take a wizz...usually the nicest of the nice.

1) lift up toilet lid and seat
2) halfway up, glasses slip off
3) try to catch
4) fail, and watch glasses land on rim
5) watch seat slam on glasses (thanks be to Allah* the glass did not break..just more bending of the handles)
6) meanwhile, automatic timing and forgetfulness makes u wizz on the floor for 2 seconds.

DAMMIT

*(Allah gets a bad rap, but I figure he can get the Deity Real Estate where my bog is concerned)

bloop bloop!! PPSWHSHSHS!!!

Ok doojbags, the answer is SOLARIS.

Come on...that was an easy one!!!!

Maybe he was f***ing him

http://www.cnn.com/2004/LAW/08/17/church.death.ap/index.html

I dunno. But cnn really has their fractions all effed up. Does this mean he got 10.5 years in prison? weird.

I hope the kid went to go buy condoms with Jimmy Smits. that is, before he tried to kill Darkman like 3 times.

Honeycomb's GOT...a big big sting!

http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/West/08/16/bees.reut/index.html

Ooo ooo ee ooo ooo
Ooo oo ee ooo ooo
Hey you, I’m in the mood to be dumb
(honeycomb)
so let’s all go down to the slum,
slum, slum
How do all those bees fit?
A cool shape, a big size…
…throw rocks at it!
A huge-ass beehive on the side of that condo
Day after day it’s the place where all bees go.

Funny and round, when rocks hit it makes a crunchy sound!
Mom yells, “9-1-1”
Coz I’m on the ground
Tryin to get air thru my swollen-ass bronchi
Got all allergic when the 40th bee stung me…

We’re all gonna die!

Honeycomb's GOT a big big ...er...sting.

Mom can I go do something dumb? Sure, what you wanna do? I wanna walk across the Korean DMZ. Hmm...no, plane tickets are too expensive. Do this instead.

oooo ooo eee ooo ooooo
oooo ooo eee ooo ooooo

Hey yo
I'm in the mood to be dumb
(Honeycomb!)
So let's all go down to the slum
slum, slum,
A million bees live in it
A cool shape a huge size,
Easy to hit!

A giant beehive on the wall of that condo
Let's throw rocks at where a million bees go!
Funny and round, when rocks hit it makes a crunchy sound
Mom yells "R U OK?"
but I'm on the ground
gettin all swelled up, collapsing my tracheal rings
who can I sue? I'm allergic... to bee stings.

WE'RE ALL GETTING STUNG!!

AHAHAHAHAHAHA

ok RAW sucked last week. But tonite it is pretty damn good. And they just had the funniest backstage segment. Ok maybe I am a barbarian.

"A big red machine of yer own.." hahahahahahahahahaha

Oh man...........

..............not effing Scoo-Ter again! Quick, someone kick me in the junk so's I can get a big titanium moggy. Aight, that's the stuff.

Got another riddle for you....

Carpooling is generally considered "planet-friendly."

HOWEVER, I can think of one terrible situation in which carpooling is probably the WORST thing you can do for a planet....what is it?

I stabbed the horse....

....and now I have a beard. Who am I?

First correct answer gets a pic of Gong Li.

Welcome to my Al-----eera....

....notice there is no jizz in it. Please keep it that way.

It's funny. Not much pisses me off. However, the other night I admitted to a group of peers that I liked pro-wrestling. (ok some of the recent RAW stuff sucked but in general I do.) So immediately everyone jumps on the bandwagon to tell me "it's not real...you know that don't you?" hahahaha very f***ing funny I have a PhD you moron. So I said I know that. Anyway, I felt kinda bad that this older woman started makin herself laugh about something she obviously thought was brilliant like "wow I hope he knows it's fake" or something that had already been said 10 times. I said she was full of ignorant closed-minded crap. Then smiled and told a story about Chris Benoit or something to cover up the ensuing silence that followed..."umm...did u just tell my gramma she was full of crap?" Sorry but yeah. You gotta take a stand sometime. She has obviously never smelled what the rock is cooking. Then I like the chummy old guys who say "oh yeah it USED to be real, and now it's just a show." hahahahaha you stupid f***er.

I like my neighbors. They are all nice. I was changin some stuff on my tires yesterday (failed miserably) and pretty much everyone who drove by me in the parking lot asked if I needed help or was ok or whatever. Then I told em I was "changing my valve cores to combat a slow leak" and they were all impressed like "would you like a piece of my daughta?" It was cool.

"My terms. I swear bizznatch, I aint tellin you again. YOU leave the bed before Optimus Prime, ANYDAY"

What do you call a guy who is too stupid to turn on his AC when it is really muggy out? Me.

I watched some of the Olympics this morning and what did I get to see....

1) Chinese girl vs Japanese girl in tennis. Who won? WHO CARES...I just had a good time watchin.

2) MENS-DOUBLES-PING-PONG. Hahahaha I think there is more athleticism in a Halo tournament. ok maybe not...I mean can you imagine how much training it takes not to slam yer nuts on the corner of the table every other shot?

3) Women's biking. First of all biking is really boring. Second of all, I hate bikers. Third of all, it was just a buncha butts. So the only athletes you could tell out of the bunch were the ones from the Ukraine, coz you know they got three instead of two. Other than that it's anybody's guess.

I did TKD last night. Weird. For some reason my left leg is a hell of a lot better than my right leg ever was. Really weird because I used to be a total right-leg kicker. Also, kicks off the front leg are a lot better than those off the rear leg. Weird. I gotta figure this out.

Ok I think that's it for now. Summer Slam tonite!! I wonder if Benoit will drop the title. Maybe X-Pac will make a run-in, that is unless he is hangin out with Nick at Emma's pizza.

GKS, go to bed.

I'll make it a big-un. Gloop!

Yup. The wind blew down some of my posters. Cept they are not posters, just books. So I am actually surprised they stayed stuck to the wall for so long.

One day I'll figure out how to put pics on here.

Dit dit dit dit dit ---- here is your Olympics Report.

Oh yeah this makes me feel so freekin safe. Sure, the USA has all the sprinters and a deep gymnastics team, but when the s*** comes down, who do you want? Steroid babies or people who can shoot? GET THE PICTURE PEOPLE. China came first. Russia came second. Czechs came 3rd. And we all know the Czechs started World War I. Hello? We are totally gonna get sniped.

Naaaaaaaah she's not on roids. No way!

Where is Fu MingXia? Oh, she's right Here. Hey Fu, who's that doojbag freak-ass with u?

This guy is so cool, just like every "journalist" on CNN. If you have grey hair by the time you are 19 then you are a shoe-in for inflammatory craphead of the year.

"CNN....America's NUMBER ONE choice for pop-up ads."

Ok this is no fun, I gotta figure out something cool to do. Maybe I'll go to the art store today. Or the science shop, if there is one. Or maybe I'll go into Mos Eisley and pick up some power converters.

But seriously, I wanna build this. Totally friggin cool. But then again, I'd probably shoot my eye out.

go to This guy's page if you want the knight rider theme song. Bravo to you man. It took me a while to find it. That rules. Let's have a contest. What are the lyrics to the Knight Rider theme song...nah screw it. Here's a better idea. Download the knight rider theme song. DO IT, SCUMBAG. Then go here. And play. And you now know that skeletons love knight rider music.

"We in the boy-fondling federation believe that Knight Rider was not cool." Screw you, Alka Seltzer. Just coz you bought yer tickets late to the first Iraq War and had to stay at the Baghdad Shell-aton now you have yer own crap news program. "Catch last week's news with Wolf Brasspipe."

Come on Danny Wilson, let me have a look at your homework answers. Christ Danny, you'd better not miss.

Ok today I am going off to buy a cross to wear around my neck. Wanna know why? No, not for the bling bling. I'm getting it so people stop askin if I am Jewish. Shut the f*** up - the power of Christ Compels you. I guess I could get some Buddhist relics or something, coz I am most closely related to that. But then I am pretty sure SOMEONE will think I am part of the Taleban or something. One way to stop terrorists is to invite them to Cambridge. Then, one of two things will happen. 1) They won't be able to park, so they'll be stuck in like a perpetual motion prison, like these guys. 2) They will get a bazillion parking tickets and won't have money to buy wedding guns.

GKS...go to bed!

They came from the third moon with ancient monsters

Does anyone know where that is from? Good. Someone is outside my apartment and he is laughing. It scares me a lot because he sounds like Grand Master Meio. But then I looked outside and it turns out that 80% of the world's population has not been killed, so I guess I may have been mistaken.

I am pretty sure that most of the stuff I say and do is out of video games. For example....

...when I laugh at someone, it's usually just like Neff when he steals the spirit balls away from the ressurrected corpse champion. Neff is SO freekin evil. Wanna know how evil he is?

He is THIS evil. That's right. That scene right there is why I spent all my continues tryin to beat that game. Whadda scumbag. The game is actually pretty easy, especially after you become a beasty. So I like to forego all the spirit balls and beat Neff as the buff guy. Heh heh. Neff vs Buff. That'll teach you to put Athena in a headlock. That is the sort of thing Nick would do.

ok, so what else.

This is a cool page. http://primeop.tripod.com/scrollboss/sprites_finalfight1.html If it doesn't come up it's one of those guys who apparently does not like people to link to his page. Umm....yeah that logic works. Jesse and Jeff. Jeff does drugs and tries us to get to do em. Hey guys wanna have some fun? No thanks man, yeah getta life guys.

If Virginia was my second grade teacher, I would have failed every spelling test so I could get left back.

Ok so I am not doin too well on the video game front. Ok, so sometimes I walk around like Cody from final fight. That's right. You'd better watch out. Everyone at my university is scared of me, even though I bring em chocolate.

If you have a tin of Quality Streets, dchocolate/dt = -Achocolate.

So I invited some of my buddies to this desert planet, just to check it out. But guess what? They had a 10000 year history of bad blood. Now, three houses FIGHT for Control of DUNE. They spend forever counting their money.

I don't have a hell of a lot more to say. Nip/Tuck was SOOOOO boring this week. All about real and fake Stigmatas. I don't have stigmata, so my glasses are not special. hahahahaha Nobody cares for eyes more than Pontius Pilate.

It's kinda hot outside. Too hot to watch TV. I could just drink a buncha water. I have to buy my water because around here it tastes like swimming pools. I used to love those signs that people had on their pools "Welcome to our ool. Notice there is no P in it. Please keep it that way." I could read this sign so many different ways.

1) Yeah like I am going to dump a bunch of phosphorus in your ool.
2) Assuming you mean what I think you mean, who were your friends before you lived here??? Oh, you must have lived in this place.

I saw a beehive the other day and it said "Welcome to our beee. Notice there is no HIV in it. please keep it that way."

there was another one..."welcome to our kic--all game. Notice there is no KB in it. Please keep it that way." yup, that one's for you gramma.

you wouldn't happen to have a piece of cheese would you? No, says you? eh, says i.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah


What's gonna happen?

oh God make it stop!!!

ok that's it for now.